What if my mom never left my dad
What if I left for college instead of staying here
What if jarron was a girl
What if I hadn’t went to PBC that spring break
What if id never drove to that Kum n Go
What if my father wasn’t an alcoholic
what if I could fly
what if I never obtained my licence
what if I actually had a filter
what if I never picked up another alcoholic drink in my life
what if forever 21 went out of business tomorrow?
What if trees gave of wifi instead
What if degrees were free but you had to pay to work?
What if I die tomorrow?
What if my little cousin makes it big?
What if my grandomothers first husband never left her?
What if my uncle reggie never joined
the marines?
What if weed was legal and alchol was not
What if I never get married
What if red meant go
What if I send the wrong screenshot to the right person?
Ive only known my uncle reggie for as long as ive been
alive, duh, but my mom says he was different before he joined the marines. That
he was nicer more gental. A quiet man. He has a voice out of this world. He
sang at my cousin tissy’s funeral and brought my mom to tears. If so crazy what
the military can do to people. Hes now this violent spirt that cant take care
of himself and is draining my grandmother. She will never leave him out in the
dust. I personally think its because she dies on the table when she had him.
She claims to have seen family mermbers that had passed on and then the doctors
brought her back. She went on to have 5 more children, my mother being number
5. I refuse to be an enabler. When you enable somone in their addiction you are
almost fueling the disease. Youre saying I don’t want this person to get
better, I don’t want them to see how
much they have destroyed in their wake of destruction. That you are ok with the
deomns that is person has clawing at their back. That their soul isn’t worth
saving. Even if the only way to do so is through tough love. I LOVE my siblings
to death all of them but if any of them were struggling like that they would
have absolutely nothing coming from them and I hope that if I ever fall into
that path that they do the same for me. Addiction is such a werid thing to me.
Some people do the same thing every day, get a medium coffee at kum n go two
sugars no cream, or cant get out of bed until they have smoke a blunt, or pop a
couple of zanax because they cant just deal with the day unless these things
have taken place. That is additiciton. Ill even go far enough to say that
situational addition exsists. There was a point in my life where ic ould not go
downtown without begin completely wasted
If I never would have went to PBC I woudlnt have some of the
amazing memories and lessoned learned on that 7 day vacation. When the idea was
presented I was so excited spring break on the beach I was young. I do think
that I could have gotten more out of the experience if I had let go of some of
my inhabitions and lived a little but I do have moral values and having sex on
the beach in the middle of the day is against everything my mother ever taught
me. I also learned to NEVER GO ANYWHERE with couples if you are not in a
realation ship and your boyfriend isn’t there. So much fighting and trying to
be caked up in the hotel instead of goin to see things and meeting new people.
Sometimes I think that I want to be in a relationship so bad until I see peole
in realtionships fightitn. I don’t have anyone that I have to reporst back to.
I don’t have aboy freaking out because the dress that im wearing is too short
of my bikini top is too little. In the grand shceme of things the single life
is where its at. I would have never seen the ocean. We stayed on the 11th
floor
Sometimes I hope that we are just a smaller part of a much
much largher life cycle. That the reason im in this class right now ripples
down to someone choosing to stay and fight for their life light years away.
There are 7 billion people on this planet already so if that doesn’t make you
feel small and irrelevant then im not real sure on what else could. Hopefully
if we are just a spec in the grand scheme of life then I hope im the spec on
gods hand. To be apart of something that created all the beauty that I get to
wake yup and enjoy daily. Would be awesome. Someday don’t shine as bright as
others but were all still blessed the same. Being able to wake up and go to a
class you hate is a blessing because you could be in a spot where education
isn’t even valued or even worse not avalaible. That later on today im going to
go to a job that im growing less and less fond of but I know that when Friday hits
im going to be able to pay my rent. The glass has to to be half full everyday,
because if you don’t leave space for the bad days the days where you just don’t
want to get out of bed, or do anything productive, you have to remember that
the glass needs to be full you need to be bursting with life, and that’s when
the glass is half ful. I feel like none of that made any sense but I know what
I meant in my mind.
